From "I'm a bad mom"
to feeling peace in her loving choice
|
Click play to listen to Heather. You can also turn on the captioning with the CC button.
|
|
"We were put in this impossible place, and we made the most loving choice that we could... My grief is love." - Heather, T21 + severe heart defects TFMR mom |
Before joining Ascend, Heather was trapped in what she calls "untrue loops" - those constantly replaying thoughts like "I'm a really bad mom" and idealizing palliative care with endless "shoulds" about what she could have done differently. She felt completely alone and misunderstood, even questioning how much was "too much" to share with people in her life.
After working with therapists and trying a large international TFMR group, Heather realized she needed something different: a consistent group of the same people who could go deeper together. She was drawn to Ascend's spiritually open approach where her faith struggles would be held without judgment.
What Heather found was transformational. In her first circle when she shared her story, another mom immediately reflected back: "Heather, you're such a good mom." That moment became a turning point.
The bi-weekly live circles became something she looked forward to, a designated time that felt like honoring her son. The meditations helped her be present, and the journaling prompts gave her space to let difficult feelings flow. Most importantly, she found a mirror in other loving mothers who helped quiet those "bad mom loops."
At the same time that she was in the TFMR grief circle, Heather also sought out stories on her own from mothers that HAD chosen palliative care. Heather discovered that hearing other women's stories from both "ends" gave her clarity that "there's just so much grief in all of it." She stopped idealizing other choices and found peace knowing we are all doing their best to love our babies.
Through Ascend, Heather learned that grief doesn't follow steps - it comes in waves, and "it's with me because I love him." She moved from isolation to belonging, from loops of guilt to certainty about love.
Heather wants you to know: You deserve this sacred space. Your loss is misunderstood by the world, but not here. You don't have to explain yourself or carry this alone. There are people who want to hold you and see your heart.
"This is not something that I'd want anyone to be alone in... your loss and your heart needs to be seen." -Heather 💜
After working with therapists and trying a large international TFMR group, Heather realized she needed something different: a consistent group of the same people who could go deeper together. She was drawn to Ascend's spiritually open approach where her faith struggles would be held without judgment.
What Heather found was transformational. In her first circle when she shared her story, another mom immediately reflected back: "Heather, you're such a good mom." That moment became a turning point.
The bi-weekly live circles became something she looked forward to, a designated time that felt like honoring her son. The meditations helped her be present, and the journaling prompts gave her space to let difficult feelings flow. Most importantly, she found a mirror in other loving mothers who helped quiet those "bad mom loops."
At the same time that she was in the TFMR grief circle, Heather also sought out stories on her own from mothers that HAD chosen palliative care. Heather discovered that hearing other women's stories from both "ends" gave her clarity that "there's just so much grief in all of it." She stopped idealizing other choices and found peace knowing we are all doing their best to love our babies.
Through Ascend, Heather learned that grief doesn't follow steps - it comes in waves, and "it's with me because I love him." She moved from isolation to belonging, from loops of guilt to certainty about love.
Heather wants you to know: You deserve this sacred space. Your loss is misunderstood by the world, but not here. You don't have to explain yourself or carry this alone. There are people who want to hold you and see your heart.
"This is not something that I'd want anyone to be alone in... your loss and your heart needs to be seen." -Heather 💜