 I hope you can let these words sink deep into your bones and soul:
💫Take it moment by moment💫 After my baby died through a termination, the depths of my grief were bottomless. And on top of that, I was never "educated" on grief before my TFMR. I had to learn to live moment by moment, second by second. Until a bit more space came between the huge grief waves...then it was minute by minute. But if you are very early out, move through your experience moment by moment. 💫You are a good parent💫 Oh my heart, when another TFMR parent told me this, I felt like I could breathe again. Finding other people who had been through this horrific experience saved me. They reminded me of my goodness. As a Bereavement Doula now, I run my own safe, closed Facebook group just for us bereaved TFMR parents. Come join us if you are looking for a community like this. Where people will remind you, YOU are a good parent too. 💫You made a kind and compassionate decision💫 No matter the type of termination, no matter your baby's or your diagnosis, YOU knew best. As much as the media would like to talk up "carrying to term" as the "more" compassionate choice, I don't believe this. In between a rock and a hard place, all the options are kind and compassionate. None better than others. You made your decision with everyone's best interest and health in mind. And with LOVE. That is kind. 💫Your health and wellbeing matters💫 It does! Many TFMRs are due to devastating fetal anomalies, but many are for maternal health reasons as well. Or a combo. That was actually the tipping point for my case - we avoided maternal health complications by terminating our pregnancy. Because I matter, to my other kids, to my husband. To ME. Me as me, my health and wellbeing matters. So.Does.Yours! If your TFMR was for maternal health reasons, you are welcome in my TFMR Support Circle (the Facebook group) as well. ❤May you hold these statements close. If you can't fully accept them all, let it take it's time❤ & if you would like Bereavement Doula support through your process after TFMR, I have free intro sessions open, so take advantage now. You can find out if 1 on 1 work or any upcoming grief circles would be best for you. Get your free session here. 🤲💜
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 Some days I believe and some days I don't. Is she really communicating with me from the Other Side? On the days I really do feel her messages, her presence, it comes in the form of feathers, white feathers. On other days there is also anger. All I get is a damn feather? A flicker of a candle? A butterfly flitting by. This is baby loss. This is me missing what would have been, could have been, my middle child. Does your baby send you signs? Do you believe? ... P.S. And speaking of messages...my one-on-one Bereavement Care Package includes distance Reiki, an energy healing session where I sometimes receive messages in the form of images or words. Get on an intro call with me if you'd like 1 on 1 support and spirit baby session. I'd love to find out what message your guides/the Universe and your baby/babies have for you 💜  Her story is not my story…I am alive and she is dead.
(Content includes suicidal ideation) . . 
This is my personal story about my termination for medical reasons (TFMR). Originally published on September 20, 2020 at Spoken Grief, The Spoken Grief podcast hosted by Shuma Rouf that unapologetically talks about grief, death and loss. ​My story starts out full of innocence and love. My husband and I had a daughter together before we were married and we wanted a 2nd baby. We waited until after we were married in the fall of 2017 to try to have another baby. Overjoyed is an understatement for what we felt when we found out we were expecting a baby just a few weeks into our marriage. Our baby was planned, wanted, so loved. We announced to both sides of our families over Christmas and New Year's. Everyone was so happy for us. I was thinking about getting a doula and I already had a midwife picked out. But at our 11 to 14 week scan, everything was wrong. Our baby had so many anomalies; my doctor told us, "Your baby's heart will probably stop very soon." I just remember being on that ultrasound table, feeling time slow to a crawl and speed up all at once. It was like falling into a black hole and everything sounded tinny. The doctor kept talking but the words made no sense. Cystic hygroma, hydrops, no nasal bone. He asked us what our religious beliefs were on termination. We were sent home with a piece of paper that said the probable cause of all her conditions, "Turner's syndrome" (I say her because we feel like she was a girl). The frantic Googling started and pulled up terms like "incompatible with life," "less than 1% survival rate," and some crazy Cesarean section called an "exit strategy." Very dangerous for both mother and baby, and typically with a very very poor outcome. It did not sound good.  This message is for you, bereaved TFMR mama/papa/parent: Your parenthood is beautiful and the love you have for your baby is unfathomable, infinite.
You are a good parent who made a difficult medical decision. This only shows how profound your love is. Those that do not understand this are the minority. What they think and say and spew only speaks to *their* unkindness. This is the TRUTH- You are a kind, loving parent. ❤💞❤ You deserve only love and understanding and care for your grief, and this is not up for some religious/political debate. You are worthy of support and you are a grieving parent. With love, Sabrina Fletcher TFMR Bereavement Doula |