Which of these practices is your favorite? Our spirits can feel so crushed and trampled on after terminating a wanted pregnancy; I find it so helpful for me and for my loss doula clients to focus on gentle practices. After what is horrific, heartbreaking, and sometimes the furthest from gentle, you deserve soothing soul healing. Which do you prefer?
And just a reminder that I only have a couple spots open for 1-on-1 bereavement doula support.💫 In the free introductory session we can figure out what practices you need in your life and how to fit them in. You can send me a message if you want this kind of continual support after a termination for medical reasons, fetal and/or maternal. Sending you all so much love ❤ Check this page to learn more about starting your one-on-one Bereavement Care Package. And let us know in the comments, which of these gentle, soul-soothing practices are your favorites?
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 What's your "grief score" after TFMR baby loss? Any score is right...there are no wrong answers. It's so important to talk about these shared experiences, because then we don't feel so alone in our grief. And it's especially helpful to find other TFMR loss parents to talk about this particular grief. You can join us on Facebook in the safe, application-only group, the TFMR Support Circle. A place where you can share your "grief score," judgement free. 💜 I also filter all comments on this blog through my own eyes, so you can comment below and let us know what your grief score is.  Losing a baby to TFMR, under such traumatic, heartbreaking circumstances takes so much from you. Innocence, trust, happiness, joie de vivre...hopes, dashed 😥 And it is also an initiation. You have now been initiated into a group (a group you did not ask to join, but a group full of wonderful members nonetheless): It is the worst club with the best members. You are also passing through a rite of passage. What exactly is a rite of passage? In this case, your birth (birth is a rite of passage, and this IS a birth even though your baby has died, *no matter* the procedure type) has brought you to a new stage in your life. Even if you have other living children. Even if you have no living children and you are wondering what it means to be an "invisible" mother or father or parent. Even if you wonder if you are even a mother/father/parent? These questions and more are what we delve into in Ascend, our TFMR grief circle. This RITE of PASSAGE is what we mark, together, in community, as it should be 💞💞💞💞💞 It is so helpful and soothing to explore these themes with other bereaved parents. We are going through a death initiation we never asked for. When we consciously participate in our rites of passage, ceremonies, and *honor this transition,* the love for our babies can shine even brighter and we can learn how to work with our grief. Maybe you didn't get a funeral, maybe there was no public mourning (thanks Covid, thanks stigma around baby loss), maybe you weren't and aren't seen as the magical postpartum being you are. But you DESERVE that WARMTH and community. Becoming a bereaved parent is a death initiation with no ceremony...unless we make one for ourselves. And it's not scary, it's actually the most loving, kind thing you can do for yourself and to honor your sweet baby or babies. In Ascend, a group grief program, we do just this and more. Only 2 more days to apply: 💜 https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ascend-apply Ascend is a 3-month grief circle/private program for TFMR parents that runs periodically. Check here to see the next start date or get on the waitlist for an upcoming round.  My heart was beating out of my chest and my palms were sweating as I mentally prepared myself to tell my whole termination pregnancy loss story to a friend.
Even though I knew her, you never know how people will react to abortion, or to grief even. But when I told her and she said, "me too"... my jaw almost hit the ground. It happens when we find each other online too: "Me too," we whisper to each other... "Me too," people message me... "Me too," we say collectively, breathing a sigh of relief that we can finally talk about our grief and love for our babies with SOMEONE. And what a relief it is to be able tell our stories and be seen. Would you like to feel the gentle support of a community that GETS you? Of being able to say "me too"? You can experience this in my upcoming grief circle just for us, bereaved TFMR parents. This TFMR grief circle starts in just 4 days. 💜 Apply today to save your spot. 💜 Ascend is a 3-month grief circle/private program for TFMR parents that runs periodically. Check here to see the next start date or get on the waitlist for an upcoming round. Have you had a surprising experience telling someone about your TFMR? Share in the comments below.  When Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month collides with the shitshow of U.S. politics in an election year: self care is in order. Especially if your baby loss was a termination, you may be hearing awful, inflammatory, and downright UNTRUE things about the procedures we went through to save our babies and ourselves from suffering.  💫 The greatest self-care of all is to remember this: You are kind. You are compassionate. You made a hard and good choice as a parent to your babe. 💫 ⬆⬆⬆ Make that your mantra, your affirmation, your meditation, your prayer: "I am kind. I am compassionate. I made a hard and good choice as a parent to my baby." Besides using mantras/affirmations such as this, you may also wish to be pro-active and practice the following self-care activities:  You may wish to:
💥Nolite te bastardes carborundorum💥 We are bigger than politics, we are grieving moms and dads. And as loss parents, we defend and love our babies until the day we die. P.S. You can get my full guide, Real Self-Care in the Grief of TFMR here in this link. Soooo important this month and every month. P.P.S. I'll have my candle lit for all our tx babies at 7pm on Oct. 15th. Because the wave of light is for us too 💓🕯️💓
What is your favorite self-care practice during Pregnancy and Infant Loss month and/or when politics gets heavy?
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