Losing a baby to TFMR, under such traumatic, heartbreaking circumstances takes so much from you. Innocence, trust, happiness, joie de vivre...hopes, dashed 😥
And it is also an initiation. You have now been initiated into a group (a group you did not ask to join, but a group full of wonderful members nonetheless):
It is the worst club with the best members.
You are also passing through a rite of passage. What exactly is a rite of passage? In this case, your birth (birth is a rite of passage, and this IS a birth even though your baby has died, *no matter* the procedure type) has brought you to a new stage in your life.
Even if you have other living children.
Even if you have no living children and you are wondering what it means to be an "invisible" mother or father or parent.
Even if you wonder if you are even a mother/father/parent?
These questions and more are what we delve into in Ascend, our TFMR grief circle.
This RITE of PASSAGE is what we mark, together, in community, as it should be 💞💞💞💞💞
It is so helpful and soothing to explore these themes with other bereaved parents. We are going through a death initiation we never asked for.
When we consciously participate in our rites of passage, ceremonies, and *honor this transition,* the love for our babies can shine even brighter and we can learn how to work with our grief.
Maybe you didn't get a funeral, maybe there was no public mourning (thanks Covid, thanks stigma around baby loss), maybe you weren't and aren't seen as the magical postpartum being you are.
But you DESERVE that WARMTH and community.
Becoming a bereaved parent is a death initiation with no ceremony...unless we make one for ourselves. And it's not scary, it's actually the most loving, kind thing you can do for yourself and to honor your sweet baby or babies.
In Ascend, a group grief program, we do just this and more.
Only 2 more days to apply: 💜 https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ascend-apply
Ascend is a 3-month grief circle/private program for TFMR parents that runs periodically. Check here to see the next start date or get on the waitlist for an upcoming round.