My heart was beating out of my chest and my palms were sweating as I mentally prepared myself to tell my whole termination pregnancy loss story to a friend.
Even though I knew her, you never know how people will react to abortion, or to grief even. But when I told her and she said, "me too"... my jaw almost hit the ground. It happens when we find each other online too: "Me too," we whisper to each other... "Me too," people message me... "Me too," we say collectively, breathing a sigh of relief that we can finally talk about our grief and love for our babies with SOMEONE. And what a relief it is to be able tell our stories and be seen. Would you like to feel the gentle support of a community that GETS you? Of being able to say "me too"? You can experience this in my upcoming grief circle just for us, bereaved TFMR parents. This TFMR grief circle starts in just 4 days. 💜 Apply today to save your spot. 💜 Ascend is a 3-month grief circle/private program for TFMR parents that runs periodically. Check here to see the next start date or get on the waitlist for an upcoming round. Have you had a surprising experience telling someone about your TFMR? Share in the comments below.
0 Comments
When Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month collides with the shitshow of U.S. politics in an election year: self care is in order. Especially if your baby loss was a termination, you may be hearing awful, inflammatory, and downright UNTRUE things about the procedures we went through to save our babies and ourselves from suffering. 💫 The greatest self-care of all is to remember this: You are kind. You are compassionate. You made a hard and good choice as a parent to your babe. 💫 ⬆⬆⬆ Make that your mantra, your affirmation, your meditation, your prayer: "I am kind. I am compassionate. I made a hard and good choice as a parent to my baby." Besides using mantras/affirmations such as this, you may also wish to be pro-active and practice the following self-care activities: You may wish to:
💥Nolite te bastardes carborundorum💥 We are bigger than politics, we are grieving moms and dads. And as loss parents, we defend and love our babies until the day we die. P.S. You can get my full guide, Real Self-Care in the Grief of TFMR here in this link. Soooo important this month and every month. P.P.S. I'll have my candle lit for all our tx babies at 7pm on Oct. 15th. Because the wave of light is for us too 💓🕯️💓
What is your favorite self-care practice during Pregnancy and Infant Loss month and/or when politics gets heavy?
Devastating, severe spina bifida diagnosis led this mother to terminate her wanted pregnancy8/8/2020 In this video from my series on YouTube called "Our TFMR Stories," Dana speaks about her termination that happened after learning about her first son's severe neural tube defects, diagnosed as spina bifida. She also talks about dealing with fertility issues while trying to conceive again after loss and going on to have a subsequent pregnancy after her TFMR loss. Here is the video: Links mentioned in the video: *Ending a Wanted Pregnancy Support group, if you would like to join, you can apply here: https://endingawantedpregnancy.com/private-support-group/apply-to-join-private-support-group/ *To share YOUR TFMR Story on Our TFMR Stories, email me here: sabrina at thetfmrdoula dot com *And grab your free journaling prompts for healing after pregnancy loss here: http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/journaling-prompts And then our Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor got very very silent during a scan. The scan that changed our life. Oof, that moment will stay with me forever. That silence. If you know, you know. We are connected in this silence. This heartwrenching silence. That space before the poor prenatal diagnosis, the "I'm sorry, there's something wrong with your baby." And then your world is changed forever. ... I was talking to my husband about how ubiquitous that silence is, how many of us know that "look on their face" before the bad news… how it's so similar across our loss stories and he said, "Really?"
And I said, "Really." And my husband replied, "It's a moment that I'll never forget...when I saw the doctor's face and knew, uh oh, something is really wrong." My daughter would almost be two now. If that wouldn't have happened. If she would have been healthy. If. Thinking of all of you, and all your babies. Your very special would-have-beens 💗💗💗 P.S. This is a quote from my memoir on my TFMR and my spiritual journey after loss. If you have any connections in the publication world, I'm looking to get it published. Any help appreciated. And if you have published part or all of your story, share the link here below. Reading other TFMR stories is so helpful in grief. We learn we are not alone. Bleeding after pregnancy loss can be triggering, devastating, heartbreaking all over again. Especially the first period…my first period after my TFMR (a Termination For Medical Reasons) pregnancy loss wrecked me. I was right back to the D&C procedure, right back to the cramping, the sensations of losing my baby. It was like each cramp sent a message to me, "Hey, your baby died. Yup, your baby is definitely dead." Dead dead dead. And I felt like death was coming out of me again. The sensations triggered me, and the sight of the blood triggered me too. There it was again, each and every time I went to use the bathroom. "Yup, your baby is still dead," my blood reminded me. ... As I was working with my watercolors this weekend (photo in the title of this post), this reddish purple piece brought me back to that first period. The placenta-like shape that could also be uterus-shaped...the blue like flowing tears… there were just so many emotions that first period brought up. I see it in this piece. ... I was thinking about how isolating that time was, during that symbolic bleeding, a "back to normal" cycle when I was ANYTHING BUT back to normal. So I want to share a few things I did to soothe myself during that period: (Use what makes sense, this is *not medical advice,* always follow your medical care providers' advice first and foremost) 🚿 Took extra long showers during that first period 👩💻 Leaned in deeply to my online support groups (<--- here are some I recommend) 🙅Cut out all unnecessary outings 💊 Used appropriate amounts of pain meds (this was not the time to just "push through" and ignore cramping) 🛌🏽Held that heating pad close to my womb and cried in bed ⚛ Moved into divine feminine ways of processing, reflecting, meditating through a bit of watercoloring, some writing, sitting in the grass 🩲Used different underwear from what I used during my postpartum bleeding 🚫 Used no pads (a menstrual cup instead) to differentiate this bleed from after the loss ♻️ Offered my blood back to the Earth ... This blood was a rite of passage.
A hard, hard passage that not everyone goes through. From death back to life, even if I was not ready yet to come out of my mourning cave. Don't force yourself out of mourning, either, even though the body, the world, society keeps spinning, keeps cycling, keeps going "back to normal." Take your time, even if all you can afford is 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there, saying NO to a social engagement. You've been through hell, it's okay to soothe your pain. What was your first period like after loss? Any tips for getting through that 1st period you'd like to add? |